resting in the verb

“The cat ate the …”, we almost automatically want to complete this with an object: “the cheese,” “a blueberry,” something. Why isn’t the mind comfortable resting in the action itself - the simple idea of the cat eating? 

Let’s set that question aside for a moment and come back to it.

In our interaction with the world, our mental model seems to be that, there is a self which appears as the subject, whatever presents itself in experience appears as the object. And then there is a process where there is an interaction between these two - through which they relate to reach other - which can be called the action or verb.

Attention is limited, so the brain prioritizes what seems most behaviorally relevant for action - usually the object of experience (people, things, situations, even thoughts). The process of relating to the object or the movement of mind toward its object is the “verb” between subject & object. It is too fast and subtle for our attention to rest in.

How often do we actually notice the process of noticing - say, the colours, the texture, the fit of that lovely garment in a store - the way they stir something in us and a quiet wanting begins to form? Our eyes fall on it and almost instantly we just exclaim, “Love it.”

Or consider a sunset - the many gradients of colour, the dusk light shifting the hue of everything it touches, the soft texture of that light - the gentle pleasure that arises as it all lands in us. We simply see the sun near the horizon and just say, “How beautiful.”

Because this process is so elusive, attention slips and gravitates toward the object of experience. Like in the opening 'cat' statement, anticipating an object to complete the sentence than staying with just the cat's act of eating. It is difficult to stay present with this verb - this process of interaction between the subject & object.

With reflection, and with practice, we begin to see this process more clearly. We begin to notice how sensory and perceptual impressions - the contents of experience - arise in the knowing mind, and how reactions and responses flow out of it. 

As attention rests more on this knowing of the mind, we begin to see our beliefs and their sources, our choices and biases, our needs & wants. We start to notice the different lenses through which we see the world, and in doing so, we begin to understand ourselves more deeply. With each new insight comes a certain clarity, like waking up from the fuzziness of a dream. At times it can feel as though we are slowly discovering a new person behind the one we thought we were.

This is often what we call greater self-awareness.

But now we need to consider the idea of self. Is it an indivisible, unique entity? 

Over time, reflection makes it hard to ignore that we each see the world from a particular, unique perspective. This is the sum of all ideas, perceptions and beliefs that we gather over a period of time. Individually, each idea & belief is shared by many people, what is special to us is the selected set of these that we choose to hold. In that sense, what we call 'I' is just a unique combination of commonly available lenses through which we see the world. If we are essentially a way of seeing, then aren't we, in that sense, just a process. 

If that's the case, then who or what is it that really perceives through this lens - that we call us.

Imagine yourself sitting on a bench, looking out at a landscape. Our knowing mind is perceiving all the contents of its experience. What contemplative traditions sometimes call "the witness” - the silent knowing that simply notices. As this happens, one can sense a watching that sees this watching - like a pair of eyes behind the bench, looking through us. The question of who, or what, is watching may be a much bigger leap, just as coming to self-awareness is a leap beyond our usual way of living.

Yet this subtle sense of watching, of knowing, is something we have tasted, from within our own watching of the contents of experience.

So there seem to be not one but two verbs to be aware of - the knowing mind watching the contents of experience, and the knowing that watches through it.

Need to rest in both these verbs - more often, and more completely.